Fart Football: A Hilarious Bedtime Battle
An elderly couple had just settled into bed when the husband broke the silence with a loud fart and triumphantly declared, “Seven points!”

Confused, his wife turned to him and asked, “What are you talking about?”

With a grin, the old man replied, “It’s fart football!”

Not wanting to be left out, the wife waited a moment before letting one rip herself. She smiled and said, “Touchdown! Tie game!”

The husband, not to be outdone, answered back with another loud one, boasting, “14 to 7! I’m winning!”

Determined to take the lead, the wife unleashed another big one and announced, “Touchdown! Tie game again!” Then, with a sly smile, she added a little squeaker and said, “Field goal! 17 to 14, I’m ahead!”

Feeling the pressure, the husband couldn’t bear the thought of losing. He pushed hard, giving it his all—but went too far. To his horror, he pooped in the bed.

His wife, now utterly shocked, exclaimed, “What just happened?”

The old man sighed and said, “Half-time… time to switch sides.”

Bonus Joke: The Christmas Reunion
A son got an alarming call from his father.

“Your mother and I can’t stand each other anymore,” the father said. “I’ve had enough. Call your sister and tell her we’re getting divorced.”

Panicked, the son tried to protest, but his father hung up. Desperate, the son called his sister and told her the news.

Outraged, she yelled, “No way they’re getting divorced!” She immediately called her father.

“Listen, you’re not doing anything!” she shouted. “Don’t call a lawyer, don’t file a single paper. My brother and I are flying home tomorrow. DO YOU HEAR ME?”

She hung up, furious.

The old man turned to his wife with a smile and said, “Well, they’re both coming for Christmas—and this time, they’re paying for their own flights.”